Cookie Review Craig Smith Jones
I don’t usually leave reviews, but I feel morally obligated to warn people.
These cookies were absolutely terrible.
…is what I would say if I had any interest in lying to strangers on the internet.
Unfortunately for my dramatic entrance, these were some of the best cookies I’ve ever had.
I was fully prepared to be disappointed. In fact, I walked in with reasonable expectations, thinking, “They’re probably just cookies.”
That was my first mistake.
The second mistake was only ordering one.
The third mistake was believing I possessed even the slightest amount of self-control.
I took one bite expecting an average cookie experience. Instead, I was personally humbled.
The texture? Ridiculous.
The flavor? Completely unnecessary. Nobody asked them to be that good.
The chocolate chips apparently had a meeting beforehand and collectively decided to outperform every other chocolate chip cookie I’ve ever eaten.
Frankly, it’s inconsiderate.
Now every cookie I eat has to live in the shadow of this one.
Thanks for ruining grocery store cookies for me forever.
I even tried convincing myself they couldn’t possibly be as good on the second bite.
They were.
The third bite only made things worse.
By the fourth bite, I had accepted that I was no longer eating because I was hungry. I was eating because apparently this cookie had become my entire personality.
I looked away for what felt like three seconds, and somehow it had disappeared.
Naturally, I blamed everyone else before remembering I was alone.
Suspicious.
I searched for something to criticize because every review needs balance.
Maybe they smelled too good.
Maybe they were too fresh.
Maybe they made my standards unrealistically high.
Maybe they should come with a warning label that says, “You will absolutely be thinking about this cookie tomorrow.”
I tried to save half for later.
That was an adorable idea.
I failed almost immediately.
The only real complaint I have is that whoever made these clearly doesn’t respect my fitness goals, my grocery budget, or my ability to say, “No thanks, I’m full.”
If your business plan was to create cookies so good they become a recurring expense in my monthly budget, congratulations.
Mission accomplished.
So yes, these cookies were the worst…
…for my self-control.
The worst…
…for my plans to “just have a little dessert.”
The worst…
…for every other cookie that’s about to be unfairly compared to them.
Five stars.
I would absolutely recommend them to anyone who enjoys happiness, questionable levels of cookie consumption, and making poor decisions in the best possible way.